While visiting my mother a few years ago, I browsed through her bookshelves. I stumbled upon a book because of it's name: Discipline: 101 Alternatives to Nagging, Yelling, and Spanking. Though the book is dated (1983), I find many of it's advice useful. And since this book is out of print, I thought I would share some all of the tips that were shared in the book.
(Excerpt from Discipline: 101 Alternatives to Nagging, Yelling, and Spanking by Dr. Alvin Price and Jay A. Parry)
1. There are different kinds of behaviors. Spanking seems appropriate when the child has put himself or another in physical danger. Otherwise, a parent may want to find another kind of discipline. The starting place for discipline, then, is to have the mindset that spanking is only rarely on option.
2. Before a parent punishes, it’s good to get the facts first. The child may not be misbehaving after all―at least, not in his eyes.
3. Before punishing, it’s usually helpful to stop and consider what response will teach the child not to repeat the act. Spanking rarely fits in that category.
4. Punishment should match the crime. Ask yourself: did the child so something genuinely bad, or was it simply frustrating to you (because you don’t like to listen to yelling or because you have to clean up the mess, etc.)?
4. Punishment should match the crime. Ask yourself: did the child so something genuinely bad, or was it simply frustrating to you (because you don’t like to listen to yelling or because you have to clean up the mess, etc.)?
5. If a child is acting up, he may want to be touched. In such a case, a loving touch is the best kind to give.
6. Immediate discipline is almost always more effective than discipline that’s put off. Many forms of discipline work well if they’re done immediately after the misbehavior.
7. When children aren’t getting along with one another, the parent can put each one in a corner for five minutes…
8. …or send each to a separate time-out room…
9. …or have each one take a rest for a while…
10. …or have them run around the house to use up the energy…
11. …or use reverse psychology.
12. The more consistent a parent is in following through with what she says, the less she’ll need to use drastic means of punishment.
13. A parent can keep out of tight discipline spots by thinking before speaking: what if I tell my kids to do this, and they don’t? What then?
14. Some parents have a tendency to say “no” to their children without a second thought. Giving the child a chance to do the things he wants, as appropriate, will eliminate a number of discipline problems.
15. Having family rules eliminates many discipline problems.
16. When a child misbehaves, say he gets into Dad’s things, it sometimes works for the parent to do the same back: Dad gets into the child’s things, messing them up.
17. Avoid discipline problems by speaking to the child on a level he can understand.
18. Talk about the misbehavior with the child to try to see it through his eyes.
19. Teach the child to do better by telling a story with the child in it.
20. Let kids play with each other, hard knocks and all. This helps the child learn certain social skills that will often make him more responsive at home.
21. When children are misbehaving, try singing a song to them to change the mood.
22. Help your children learn songs that teach good behavior and positive values.
23. Give your children control of a situation by giving them choices, within the parameters you set.
24. If we know a child’s stages of development, we’ll know what to expect at any given time. It’s when we start expecting too much that problems arise.
25. It’s usually not effective to tell children what they should or ought to do. Commanding and ordering are generally ineffective. More useful are such approaches as distracting the child when he’s misbehaving…
26. …or appealing to reason…
27. …or appealing to fairness…
28. …or showing the child how he’ll benefit by changing his behavior…
29. …or showing the bad side effects of the misbehavior…
30. …or diverting the child’s energies to something else.
31. Instead of regulating your child’s activities yourself, try assigning the task to an outside regulator. For instance, set a timer when the kids have work to do, to see if they can beat the time.
32. You’ll have fewer discipline problems if you can help your children control their energies. Try making a list of things your children can do…
33. …or provide them with materials they can work with…
34. …or make subliminal suggestions about what you would like the child to do…
35. …or, with the younger children, give them detailed instructions about what you want them to do.
31. Instead of regulating your child’s activities yourself, try assigning the task to an outside regulator. For instance, set a timer when the kids have work to do, to see if they can beat the time.
32. You’ll have fewer discipline problems if you can help your children control their energies. Try making a list of things your children can do…
33. …or provide them with materials they can work with…
34. …or make subliminal suggestions about what you would like the child to do…
35. …or, with the younger children, give them detailed instructions about what you want them to do.
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